Friday, June 08, 2012

In the Morning

My little one, Jordan, gets up in the 5 o'clock hour EVERY day. He has done this since he was maybe 3 months old or so.  He would wake up in his bassinet and coo loudly and play with his hands.  I remember it was so endearing that my husband said, "I need to start getting up earlier each morning any way, so I'm just going to get up with him."  I warned him that this might start a "bad" pattern, but I couldn't help but love how much Simon, who can usually sleep pretty late, wanted to get up that early before work just to spend time with our baby.  So, the routine began...and continues...NO matter what we do. :)

This has been the main topic of every prayer I pray lately.  I beg God to please change this in Jordan.  I condemn myself for not doing any "sleep training" with him each morning to get him to sleep later.  I did try it once and yes, it might have worked for that one day, but it was NOT the way I wanted me or my son to start our day.  Emotionally worn out...hearts sore from the struggle and confusion.  He always wakes up bright and happy and just ready to go and it hurt me to think that that day it was not so.

I usually have to get up sometime between 2 and 3 AM to nurse Jordan.  After that last feeding there have been early mornings where all I do is check the monitor off and on and just live in anxiety, depleted of sleep, wondering and begging and hoping that this one morning, he will sleep later than 5:30 AM.  I took the advice of our Physicians Assistant who said to start putting him down an hour later and give it two weeks.  "Eventually, she said, it will change his internal clock and he will start sleeping later."  So, I've been putting him to bed later for the last month...and there has been no change.  He's just missing an hour of sleep now.

So, I've come to realize that again, there must be something in this for ME.  Honestly, if you know me and Simon and our lives, having a baby who is this eager to start his day each day would not surprise you.  Especially when you know that Simon is the one who greets him each morning and gets him out of his crib.  You see, Simon is the "life of the party" kind of guy.  He is FULL of joy and fun.  It's what initially attracted me to him.  And he spends every morning before work with Jordan.  Of course Jordan can't wait to get up and see his daddy.

But what about me?  Again, what is in this for ME?  That's the question I am now asking and the prayer I am praying.  I began to realize that I needed to change my expectations about Jordan's wake up time.  Every day I would wake up upset and discouraged because Jordan, once again, did not sleep until 6 AM like the "books" say he should.  Maybe I should just start expecting him to wake up every day in the 5 o'clock hour and if for some amazing reason he should sleep until 6 AM, I can be wonderfully surprised and blessed?  :)

God also reminded me that a few years ago He gave me a revelation about how much He, Himself, loves the morning.  Throughout the book of Psalm, you can find scripture after scripture declaring how wonderful the morning is.  How God answers prayer in the morning.  In fact, a wonderful christian artist I once knew named a CD after this revelation...So why wouldn't God give me a son who so LOVES this early morning as much as He does?!  Don't we desire and pray that our children will be like Christ?  What's so bad about starting our days that early?  Maybe each day God has something special for us in that early hour.  Maybe the son I've prayed for all my life has something special for me. Shouldn't I be the one who can't wait to get up and spend time with him?!  Ah...the selfishness of the former perspective...how we so want everything to conform to our convenience.  So I've resolved to set my mind to relish these early mornings, each day walking by faith, that one day, in His grace, precious Jordan will desire to sleep later.

Psalm 30:5 For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but REJOICING comes in the morning.

3 comments:

  1. "we so want everything to conform to our convenience" - so true, and that often has to change when we become parents and that can be so hard to let go of.

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  2. Don't beat yourself up too much! :) Everything is harder and more emotional for a mom who is sleep-deprived. Just remember this is just for a season. Catch some sleep when you can and like you said, look for the little whispers from God in the mornings!

    Candice

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  3. You are such an amazing lady and so admirable! I found when my young ones continued getting up way earlier than my alarm went off that extended 'play' into the hour you normally put them to sleep helps. I hope you try this and get the results I did. God knows our heart and He knows what you are going through and He will not put you through more than you can bear. His word:)

    Ps.I nominated you for the versatile blogger award but want you to know I did it because of who you are and what you do. You are overworked enough already and I do not wish to add to that so I ask that you just accept the nomination and nothing more:) God bless you and your family always.

    Regina

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